oddly familiar

It still weirds me out to see someone I used to be so close with change so much. I thought I knew her inside and out. I should have realized a long time ago that she was not the person she made herself out to be, but I still have a hard time realizing that everything really was fake with her. I mean it must have been, for her to change so much between now and then we really never had that many things in common to begin with. She really had some underlieing issues about who she really was, and I was just a phase - or someone who she pretended to be good friends with because that made the most sense at the time (never really the truth though).

It still stings looking at her now and really understanding the differences we always had. Makes me almost feel niave to be so blind. But then she almost had everyone fooled, probably even herself for a time. I have to keep reminding myself that she is not, nor was she ever the person I thought she was and therefore was in essance a waste of time. I must have been nothing more than a cover up for her lies. Again, it stings even now to realize that. At the time I didn't view our friendship in that light, and when I was going through the events I had so much anger and antomosity towards her for letting it turn into something so far from what it origionally was. I was so hurt and confused as to why she was treating me that way, why she chose to ruin any speck of friendship that was left reguardless of how small. I knew then that I would forever have a scar left behind from it, because to me the friendship never was fake, to me when it was good it was one of the best friendships I had ever had. When it turned sour I knew I would always have a mark from it, what I didn't expect was for it to still sting even now.

I should delete her and move on. That way I don't have to be reminded of her, but I am curious. Maybe that's why she never deleted me. I know she sees my posts and is reminded of me as I am of her. She must stop by my profile from time to time and look at my pictures or read posts from friends... I wonder if it stings for her too. That's why I can't delete her. My curosity always wins in the end. And again maybe I still do have a little hope that one day she'll want to reconnect and explain why she did what she did (maybe even appologize). Then again, she really is not at all the person I used to think she was. So maybe this hope that I have is a lost cause. I guess I never really knew her, and probably never will. I'm sure the scars run deep for her also, which is why I'm still there too.