It was so hard to walk into that office that day and sit there so still and listen to Faulkner talk about why I was being RIFT. It was like having your heart walked on, and sitting back and trying to listen and be "professional" as she talks about loosing me like it was "out of her control." All I keep thinking is I don't deserve to be here... I love my job. Of course there are days that are better than others, and sometimes I get angry and irritated with kids and politics; but I honestly couldn't picture myself doing anything else that I feel I would enjoy as much. I love teaching things and seeing how far the kids have come, I love being around them everyday. I truly do feel that I have made improvements in my teaching abilities and will continue to grow each year. At the end of each year I sit back and look at the way somethings worked and what I will do differently next year. And to have this all taken away from me before I am ready to leave it behind is not only a blow to my self esteem but also makes me cry. There are so many other teachers that I know personally who don't like their job-don't want to be there-don't try half as hard, grow as much- or having as much success in teaching as I do and yet on paper - someone sitting in an office who has never met me, never seen me teach, never spoken to any one of our principals and just decide to let me go over another because on paper the others have more credentials than I do. Look at the bigger picture who is the better teacher?! Ask the principals! Look at the observations-I have never had an issue!
Be that as it may, I'm the one sitting around during the day checking postings online. I'm the one crying at night thinking - how could this have happened to me?! I'm a good teacher! And I have done so much to try to get a job! I have called, emailed, sent it numerous applications. I follow up with principals even when they don't follow up with me. I keep calling, keep emailing, keep applying. I don't know what else I can do, just sit back and wait I guess. It's only been a week since school has been out, but in that time I have checked everyday. Every time I see something I am remotely interested in I have applied or emailed. Maybe I need to be more patient. Something will show up, someone will call. I just hope its soon rather than later. The longer I sit and wait around for something to open up, the more hopeless I start to feel.
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