done!

So I finally did it... I got a job for next year. I feel like I should be ending that previous sentence with an exclamation mark, but I didn't. Not because I'm not excited, I totally am...I'm just getting used to the decision I just made, and it's a little scary to be totally honest.

I got offered my old job back, and normally if you know me at all, this is unlike me to chose the road unfamiliar. I find comfort in routines and I like waking up knowing what to expect with all aspects of my life. I don't find it fun to think about the unknown or the inexperienced. I do with certain things, when I think about traveling...that is something I want to do, but not really live in different places. I like being comfortable with my surroundings. On top of that switching grade levels is going to be more work! I have all my third grade lessons done, and look ahead- next year would be about making me a better teacher. Looking at the things that worked and focusing on making the things that could have went a little better, get better. But now I chose the opposite road, the one to new adventures, and I know second grade isn't that different from third, but it is a whole new set of lesson plans and a whole new school to be apart of. Actually though, that's sort of why I'm excited about it (oddly enough). I liked TR, I liked the school and the familiar faces...but the down side to that was I didn't really agree with a lot of the politics. I didn't like the other half of the administration and the first half that I did sort of like is leaving year after next. On top of that they're so by the book over there, I feel like you can't really enjoy getting to know everyone because it's all business. Not that I don't agree- the school is meant to be a place of learning, and not just learning about anything-about standards and development. But there has to be some collaboration and excitement in what you're doing and who you're working for.

Tres Rios just did not have a very good atmosphere and I feel that's probably one the of biggest reasons I chose not to come back. I don't want to stay there after Tracy leaves, and I don't really want to work that closely with those two other girls that I don't really see eye to eye with. I know second grade is going to be more work for me, but I'm hoping I will be able to take some of the things I learned in third grade and apply them to my classroom in second grade. I definitely don't feel as lost as I did when I was first starting out. Looking at the standards for second grade I have a lot of the actives we do in third that could be modified. A lot of things are the same, they just don't go into as much detail as we did in third grade. I also don't have to worry about AIMS testing which again will be nice. I'm hoping I get along with my team and that we will be able to plan together. That would make my life a lot easier, but if noting else I do find comfort in knowing the general schedule of the school and the expectations as far as what teachers in this district are upheld to. I just hope I landed a job with a supportive team who doesn't mind explaining some things for someone who has a few questions- and I really hope they team plan together.

I am excited to move to second grade, and I really do feel this is what is best for me in the long run. Having experience in multiple grade levels will only make myself more marketable. And who knows maybe I'll end up liking second grade better than third. :)

oddly familiar

It still weirds me out to see someone I used to be so close with change so much. I thought I knew her inside and out. I should have realized a long time ago that she was not the person she made herself out to be, but I still have a hard time realizing that everything really was fake with her. I mean it must have been, for her to change so much between now and then we really never had that many things in common to begin with. She really had some underlieing issues about who she really was, and I was just a phase - or someone who she pretended to be good friends with because that made the most sense at the time (never really the truth though).

It still stings looking at her now and really understanding the differences we always had. Makes me almost feel niave to be so blind. But then she almost had everyone fooled, probably even herself for a time. I have to keep reminding myself that she is not, nor was she ever the person I thought she was and therefore was in essance a waste of time. I must have been nothing more than a cover up for her lies. Again, it stings even now to realize that. At the time I didn't view our friendship in that light, and when I was going through the events I had so much anger and antomosity towards her for letting it turn into something so far from what it origionally was. I was so hurt and confused as to why she was treating me that way, why she chose to ruin any speck of friendship that was left reguardless of how small. I knew then that I would forever have a scar left behind from it, because to me the friendship never was fake, to me when it was good it was one of the best friendships I had ever had. When it turned sour I knew I would always have a mark from it, what I didn't expect was for it to still sting even now.

I should delete her and move on. That way I don't have to be reminded of her, but I am curious. Maybe that's why she never deleted me. I know she sees my posts and is reminded of me as I am of her. She must stop by my profile from time to time and look at my pictures or read posts from friends... I wonder if it stings for her too. That's why I can't delete her. My curosity always wins in the end. And again maybe I still do have a little hope that one day she'll want to reconnect and explain why she did what she did (maybe even appologize). Then again, she really is not at all the person I used to think she was. So maybe this hope that I have is a lost cause. I guess I never really knew her, and probably never will. I'm sure the scars run deep for her also, which is why I'm still there too.