Big changes!

It's incredible how quickly things can change in literally a week. A week! A freaking week! I went to see the Dr. last week and we were right along schedule truckin' as usual to the due date that was approaching but I still had a little time to mentally prepare for. I go in there today and BAM! Just like that I'm told my blood pressure is high and we may need to induce as early as (get ready) TOMORROW. Yea I said it, tomorrow for god's sake. What the heck? Here I am with a house that has not been cleaned the way I want it, the yard a freaking mess, and the swing and pack n play still in BOXES. Lord almighty! Long story short, they took my blood and said they'd call tomorrow with the results and what our plan will be. I ran home, called Mike we ate dinner (thanks to my amazing mother in-law who took care of everything) and relaxed for about 20 mins until my in-laws left and have been working ever since! I am happy to report now that the swing and pack and play are now set up and in there rightful locations in the house. Michael is taking tomorrow off work to clean up around here and get all the other last minute details I'm freaking out about taken care of.

Bad news: When the Dr. checked me today he said I wasn't dilated, I mean like barley anything at all. Which in turn means that if I do need to go in tomorrow or Saturday there is a real chance that even with the drugs they give me and the gel I won't be able to dilate enough to have the baby vaginally like I wanted. This again makes me freak out. I've kinda prepared i.e. thought about this during my pregnancy. The facts in no particular order are as follows: 1) I'm a smaller girl, with a smaller frame, Michael is well... large, he has a big head. So just logically it may not work, I may just be too small. 2) My mom had a C-section with me for the same reason-she just never dilated enough to push me out. 3) One of my best friends is having a wedding literally like a month after our due date, that I'M IN! As if recovering from a regular birth isn't bad enough let's tack on a C-section and an impending date I need to be healed and looking okay for in to order be ready by so soon afterwords. 4) I want to breastfeed! I have always wanted that bond people talk about and being able to provide for him in that special way. What if I'm so sore from a dang C-section or whatever I end up having complications and can't. I would be really upset (like really upset).

Goodness sake, I could really drive myself crazy thinking about all of these hypothetical what-if scenarios. I logically I know there is nothing I can do at this point to change any of it, it's in God's hands now. Whatever is planned for us will happen and I just need to do my best to rely on him and his capable hands. But then that only quiets the mind for a few minutes and then I start to worry again... Seriously. I need to take my own advise here. Tomorrows plan: wake up with Michael early in the morning and finish everything, call the Dr. or wait for him to call me (whichever comes first) and move forward.