On the brink...about to fall.

So I had my weekly Dr. apt Wednesday, he wasn't there I saw the PA. Things went well, same ol, same ol. they checked my hands and feet, my blood pressure, and took my blood to make sure my liver is doing well. Everything goes as normal, that's good. I wanted to talk to him about being induced though, goodness I am ready. It has been SO freaking hot these past few weeks and my feet and hands are huge! I mean literally, elephant feet i'm dealing with over here. It's hard to sleep at night, I have to pee every 5 mins and it hurts to move to go pee.

My mom went to see him yesterday (yes we have the same Dr. and no it's not because she's preggo too, that would just be weird). She goes to get some shot from him once and awhile, hormone shot or something. Anyway she was talking to him and he was saying he was thinking about inducing sometime after the fifth because I'll be 38 weeks by then. (Michael's b-day is the 9th, so we'll probably shoot for then). Good...I'm ready.

But then I start to think about what ready really means; ready, I'm ready? Ready for what, my life to change FOREVER? How exactly does someone prepare for their life to change forever? I mean until the day I die I will be someones mamma. I can be a little blunt sometimes, and a little "this is how it's gonna be, so get on my train or get outta my way". I know this, I realize this. (I blame my mother mostly) What if I'm too harsh? What if I am seriously too harsh in the things I say, the way I speak, how I discipline, what I expect of him? What if I'm just all around too harsh? Michael is such a push over, he's going to make me look like hell on wheels. I love the boy to death, he most certainly is the one who calms me down and lightens the mood, but next to him I'm going to look like Goliath.

I have a sweeter side though too, and once you're in, you're in baby and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. Nobody I would back down from to defend you to if you were wronged, nobody. And once you've been wronged by that person, they better watch themselves because I'm always going to be watching them to make sure they treat you the way you deserve from here on out. And I love to see you happy, I would do anything to make it right, or make you feel better. I hope that's what he notices more than Goliath.

I also am nervous about it not being Michael and I anymore. Our relationship is changing and will change, and I know it won't be the same anymore. He is everything to me, my rock and my better half (don't tell him I said that). I'm worried that somehow I'll change in his eyes and not be his anymore. Or vise-versa. I am just scared of loosing him in a way I guess, of loosing us. Well what we are now anyway. I don't want this to sound bad, I feel like I'm saying things that make me look like a bad mom and I'm not even a mom yet. Of course I'm excited for Karson to come. I can't wait to hold him and love on him and have him here with us. I'm just mourning (I guess is the word) the change of Michael and I that I know is coming... I love us.

And I just am on the brink, on the brink of something big. Something really big....life changing.

Moving on up...

I'm dedicated. That's it, I'm newly dedicated to making this something more than stopping by occasionally to look at and reread what I've already posted. I used to write a lot actually when I was younger and then for some reason (life got in the way excuse #1) I stopped. I've since wanted to rekindle my relationship with writing and being able to express myself and hence the world of blogging caught my eye. However, it's something totally different to write in a journal that you keep private and intimate verses openly to the world. But, I'm dedicated.

With that being said, this is now an account of our new journey into parenthood, military life, and moving on up to the new chapters our life has in store for us as a family. So work with me on how often this gets updated (although I do promise at least once a week). And join in our journey well my journey from being a working determined teacher into a young mom and eekkk even a stay at home mom.

Let's catch everyone up to speed shall we. My husband and I (Michael) have decided to jump. Join the Air Force. Believe me, it was not an easy choice. I went back and forth on the decision for seriously months. However, it was finally decided this would give us both new opportunities not only individually but also together. This decision grants us the opportunity to see new places and experience new things with our new little family. It gives Michael the opportunity to have a career, not just another job but a career. Something he works hard at and puts all his energy in while he's there, and then at the end of the day when he walks away he feel good about his days work; accomplished. It gives me the opportunity to raise our very first baby boy, to not have to walk away from him and let someone else experience his firsts as I try desperately to hang onto those I actually get to see and be apart of first hand. I get the opportunity to build my family the way I see fit, and take every little bump in the road and turn it into MY bump and my opportunity to stand a little taller on that bump because ya know what, it's MINE and I don't have to share it with my kids at school, the baby sitter, family, or anyone else.

In the mean time, I'm sure there will be some short comings in this situation where it'll be hard and I won't be happy. But I honestly believe this is the right choice for our family and moving in the right direction for us. Case and point, we're going to have to sell the house, move away from family, and Michael is going to be leaving the beginning of November for basic training (8 and 1/2 long weeks in Texas). Those are all things that are going to present challenges but, if this is what we want if this is what'll move us up to the next level, we do it (together). Go big, or go home right? It's all in, we're all in, and I'm dedicated to moving this family on up.